Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hands Which Hang Down

I've been struggling lately.

Every day I have to choose to be obedient to the principles of the Gospel and the tenets of His church.

The world's view of what an OK life is, makes that choice more difficult every day.

And even though I make the right choice every time, I'm getting tired.

I'm tired of being tested. If the lord issues a test it'll have my name on it. Oh and pop quizzes? Practically every day. You'd think I'd get used to it. But I don't.

Then one Sunday as I was watching all the perfect members in the ward being perfect. I felt a little black tornado forming over my head threatening to pull me in and away from choosing the right.

So I opened my scriptures to a favorite:

Doctrine and Covenants 81:5-7

5 Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.

6 And if thou art faithful unto the end thou shalt have a crown of immortality, and eternal life in the mansions which I have prepared in the house of my Father.

7 Behold, and lo, these are the words of Alpha and Omega, even Jesus Christ. Amen.

As I read it, instead of understanding it (as I usually do) to mean I should help those who need help, I felt something different:

Where is the someone to lift up my hands which hang down? I know that Jesus loves me. I know that His spirit can comfort me. I know He hears my prayers. But this scripture was written to members (specifically Brother Frederick G. Williams) so where are they?

Surely, I can not be the only member who is struggling. Is everyone as perfect as they appear to be? Or do they all hide (as I do) what doesn't fit into the "Perfect Mormon" mold?

I wonder. Was I the only person who had a little black tornado overhead that Sunday?

BTW, I continue to struggle. Tests keep coming. And I keep choosing to be a member of God's true church.